Epic Epic day.

Today is the birthday of both Lupe Fiasco and Doron Flake (of The Smyrk) :)

Yesterday was the birthday of the lovely Brandon Boyd.

Basically, three of the most influential people in my life…therefore, I shall celebrate!

I just pre-ordered “Lasers” with the iTunes Pass and now I shall spend the rest of my day listening to Incubus and The Smyrk.

love this. 

Pivotal Albums

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. This list will surely expand but I at least wanted to start this. These are some of my favorite albums of all time. Not that they are flawless by any means, but they just really had a large importance to me in one way or another. (in no particular order)

  • "Fly or Die"-N*E*R*D
  • "The Papercut Chronicles"-Gym Class Heroes
  • "Morning View"-Incubus
  • "Hybrid Theory"-Linkin Park
  • "Food and Liquor"-Lupe Fiasco
  • "Be"-Common
  • "Get Lifted"-John Legend
  • "Monsters on Maple Street"-The Smyrk
  • "Corinne Bailey Rae"-Corinne Bailey Rae
  • Garden State Soundtrack
  • "How I Got Over"-The Roots

I know there are more, but these are the first 10 that just popped up. I was listening to “The Papercut Chronicles” tonight and realized how great that record really is. And it really helped me get through my first couple years of high school. Which led to me to think of these other albums. “How I got over” is the newest one listed but primarily because its the first album in a long time that i remember listening to 2-3 times a day in its entirety.

to be continued…

i still breathe, but this can’t be living i shake at night
pretending i’m fine and this is perfect
i know that you see through me
won’t you please be my remedy?

the way my heart sings.

all day i’ve been listening to amazing music (obviously) and i think i can safely say i can narrow down my top 4 male vocalists. these are 4 men that have changed my life…literally had a massive impact of how i feel about various subjects and music especially and just men that i am completely enraptured with.

Brandon Boyd (obviously. the lead singer of incubus and my reason for being. essentially)

Mar (………no words)

Jesse Boykins III (his voice is what love would sound like)

Doron Flake (the lead singer from The Smyrk and one of my favorite people on the planet. he’s hilarious and i miss tagging along to shows :( can’t wait to go home and see them live again. talk about a man with range…this dude is crazy.)

and when it’s light out, my dreams start in the middle like i got there late,
and I missed all the credits no missed calls or
messages on my phone, but I just gotta check it it’s better than, talking to myself again…

I still breathe but this can’t be living I shake at night, pretending I’m fine
and this is perfect, i know that you see through me, won’t you please be my remedy…

i can’t sleep in my bed cause its haunted, just like the rest of the world with you gone it’s unfair…
this ain’t the life that i wanted

without you…

i don’t pray, i listen…

This may sound odd, but it’s true. I’ve never been a very religious person, in fact, I know more about judiasm than i do christianity…i haven’t made up my mind on how i feel about God or higher beings…to me, religion is just something i try to never talk about because I just honestly don’t understand. I prayed last month for the first time that I could remember…only because someone’s health/life was in question… (someone i really cared about…maybe a bit too much). Regardless, I prayed for this person, and I don’t really know if it worked, I mean, he was fine after but now everything about that event is in question so who knows if I even prayed at the right time for the right reasons.

But anyway, whenever I’m feeling really out of it, i tend to listen to music. People always say “you should turn to god” but I don’t really know what that means, so I turn to something tangible. It may not fix a solution right away, but it can at least put me in a better mindset to deal with it myself. In moments in which I’m really homesick, or worried about my mother or any issue that involves my hometown, you would catch me listening to the smyrk on repeat for hours. I don’t really know why that happens but it just helps me wrap my mind about that issue at hand…

And right now, my mind is in a million places at once, worried about school, worried about what my life could have been had (insert situation) worked out, worried about my career a number of things. If i sit in silence or attempt to talk it out with someone…it really just sounds like jibberish…but if I put on Incubus…somehow it clears up… I don’t know. I’ve been stressing all morning and “Runaway train” came on my ipod and literally i just felt so much weight come off of me and I started to write down and sort through a bunch of things. maybe my music is my connection to this higher power? I don’t know, and I don’t want to really get into all that, but whatever it is, I’m so lucky to have it and so happy that it can help me make sense of everything.  

two bad dreams lead to a rough morning…

for some reason, last night was just a rough night to be sleeping. I had two horrible dreams (the worst I’ve had in a LONG time). One of them involved my mother, and one involved the recent ridiculous/unfortunate situation I was just in. I woke up and spent my morning fighting back tears and trying to make sense of everything. I don’t really know for sure what either one was telling me. I LITERALLY played “Single-serving friend” on repeat while getting ready and on the car to work (thats about 45 minutes to an hour of the same song) and usually whenever i play something by the smyrk THAT much, it means i’m really homesick. So maybe that’s it, I’m homesick, however, I don’t want to go home. Going home means having to face questions and comments about the other situation I had the dream about and it’s something I just really do not want not talk about…which makes me want to go straight back to california.

i really just don’t know. maybe this all just means i need to find some place and settle there. stop all of this moving around and stop even attempting to form new relationships because clearly…

i need two things right now…a concert and a hug.

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